there is absolutely no way for me to know exactly what i want right now.
i am stuck. i am suspended. my rationality, my sanity, my reality, these things are on hold right now. and its so stagnant. its frustrating. and so i keep making decisions, thinking that maybe something will help. something concrete. some change that will knock everything back on the right track. but thats not going to happen. not like that. and so i wait. and i wait. and then i realize the relief i am waiting for is not going to happen.
the brandan i knew died. he is dead. he will never exist in the same way again. how do i deal with that when his body is still alive, and calling me? with no words, calling me with upsetting moans and almost-words.
how can i try to do anything?
how can i do anything?
there is no change, no decision, no resolution, no art, no lifestyle change that is going to help the way i feel.
just waiting for something that will never be the same.
i am honestly, and completely stumped.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment