Its just that the thing is...

I feel that I could wait. I feel like I could save my serious feelings for this person I don't know. Its just so...arranged. So coincidental. It makes me feel like things happen for a reason. It also makes me feel like the things that people think happen for a reason, don't. And that there is this GIANT string of coincidences that make me feel some huge purpose that doesn't even exist to this other person. So all of these things remind me of him. So some doppelganger comes into carroll st with his hair and hat. What is that to anyone else? And so I think to myself that I could save my real feelings for this stranger. But of course I could. I don't know a single thing about him. He is absolutely the most mysterious person I could encounter. Waiting for him keeps me safe from having to risk anything real with anyone real. But if I did, if I were to enter into some sort of relationship with someone, I think that I would probably absolutely disregard it for the chance to know him.

Buh.

I just don't know how I could ever get any of this to him.

you are easy, easy on me

we have gravitational pull. some un-interruptable momentum. we don't see each other because we think its right, or because its perfect, or even necessarily because we want to. but because, right now, we don't have a choice. there are passing moments together that are...light..enlightened...unprecedented, free from pressure, thought, fear, judgement, even presence maybe. we just exist together for just an instant before one of us thinks about it.

i try to decide what to do about it and just keep coming to the conclusion that right now, i dont have a choice. only gravity.

then i heard your heart beating, you were in the darkness too. so i stayed in the darkness with you.

its like you left for cigarettes and never came. or your body did, but you left me. its like someone painted you a different color and moved you two inches to the left. so that i stumble reaching for you. i guess more realistically I left for work, and when i came home there were new locks on the door. and someone slightly different came to answer my knock.
where the hell did you go?
i want to ask you this, what happened, but i know you would avoid. maybe you wouldn't even understand the question.
where did you go?